I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
