well I can't set my house on fire every night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Gay?
German.
Pity.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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