plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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