i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
