So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
