morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
