I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
