I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
