So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ambien. No doubt about it.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
