and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
