C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
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I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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