so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
