Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
