So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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