Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
