Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
