oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
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She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I still have a little drunk in my system