Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
