If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
