That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
