Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
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I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
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I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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