3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar