wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
