Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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