I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
