I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
