It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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