apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
