Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
