I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
