I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
