what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
