Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
