can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
