And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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