It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
