That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
