Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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