I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
