I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
