My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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