alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
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My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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