Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
