im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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