I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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