I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
