Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
