Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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