you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
