he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
