Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You made out with two different species that night
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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