nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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