Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
