just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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