those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Another day, another engagement, another cat
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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