he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
