they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
