Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
