not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
