True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
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I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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