i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
