dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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