Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need to calm my uterus...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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