meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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