So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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