Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
