I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
