So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
