Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
