i think my mom watched the whole time
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
