Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
