I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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