Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
