he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
