It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
