Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
