Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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