Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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