hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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