you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
