I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
