A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
